from my very own private snail mail box

Separation Anxiety
by Joni Levine

Starting daycare is a major life transition for both young children and their families. Change,even when it is a positive change can be stressful. In many cases this may be the first time a child is away from the secure and loving arms of their family. Both the child and parents may experience anxiety about starting a daycare experience. Parents want to know that their child will be in a loving and safe environment when the child is not in their direct care. It is not uncommon for parents to feel guilty about placing the child in a daycare program, thus making the farewell more difficult. Young children have been developing a attachment to their parents and are often secure in their daily home life and routine. There are specific measures that both parents and caregivers can take to ease the transition to care and alleviate separation anxiety.

For Parents

- Recognize your own feelings-Your child is sensitive to your emotional state and attitudes. If you are apprehensive about the childcare program or how your child will adjust, you may unwillingly convey this to your child. If is important that you have taken great care in choosing a childcare alternative that you are personally comfortable with. Also be sure to always talk to the child about daycare as a positive and exciting thing. Avoid apologizing to the child about enrolling them in a daycare program.

- Recognize your child's temperment- You know your child better than anyone else. Let your knowledge about your child's personality and temperment guide how you approach this new transition. If your child is naturally somewhat shy and slow to warm up, then you will know that you may need to take extra time in introducing your child to a new environment and new people.

- Prepare your child in advance- Your child will have less anxiety if they know what to expect and are familiar with the program and caregivers. Bring the child along when you tour a program or meet a family daycare provider. Try to visit at least once where you can remain with the child as they explore the new surroundings. There are some super children's books about starting daycare that address what daycare is like. Often these books show another child overcoming separation anxiety in a positive way.

- Make the first day a first week- One of the most sucessful strategies for alleviating separation anxiety is to make the break slowly. If at possible, start your child's daycare experience slowly. Maybe only an hour the first day, two hours the next, until the child is comfortable remaining in care the full day.

- Reinforce a sense of trust with your child- Young children's separation anxiety is often closely tied to fears of abandonment. It is important that they will know that you will be returning for them at a designated time. With an older child you can even point out on the clock when you will return or give them a concrete milestone such as, "I will be back for you right after lunch time". It may also be helpful to discuss with your child where you will be and what you will be doing during the time of separation. In any case remind your child that you will indeed return.

- Leave something behind- Sometimes called transisitional objects; blankies, teddys and other objects of comfort can help a child feel secure. Many parents find that an object that helps the child remember the parent is of great benifet. These "rememberance" objects may include photos or an object of the parents clothing.

- Communicate with the caregiver- They are your greatest ally in making the separation a smooth and calm experience. Be sure to let them know if you have any specific concerns and needs. Don't be afraid to specifically request their assistance or guidance. Some caregivers will stand back until you directly say,"I am leaving now and I need you to hold Todd."

- Say Good-bye- You may wish to warn that child that you will be leaving in five minutes, or that after the story you will be going to work. When it is time to go, say good-bye and go. Continued extensions to the separation seem to only add to anxiety and make the separation more difficult. It is never suggested to "sneak" out. Regardless of how upset the child is, sneaking out only adds to their anxiety, increases fear of abandonment, and breaks down the child's sense of trust.
Remember overcoming separation anxiety and adjusting to daycare, like any major life change is a gradual process. Soon daycare will become a positive and exciting part of your child's daily routine.