healing

VB: wow.

Consider leaving when the abuser will not listen, is inflexible, will not consider counseling, tells everyone that you are crazy or that you are the abuser, has two faces (a nice one for the world and the abusive one for you) and insists that everything be done his/her way or the highway.

This is very hard to do. It means that you will be alone, for starters. It will probably mean a break with the abuser's family. If kids are involved, you will be shuffling them back and forth and still dealing with the abuser. Also finances may be part of the picture and abusers are often difficult about money.

One of my rules, is that if you feel terrible about yourself when you are with that person, something is wrong. If your sense of who you are is very different than it had been before you met that person, something is wrong. The way you feel about yourself, your sense of identity, is key.